The Impossible

As most of my friends know, our family will fly out on Tuesday to be ready for court in Uganda on Friday. Many people have marveled at how everything has fallen into place, and through the lens of retrospection, I can certainly see that. But waiting for passports that came on the very last day, having to finally get our congressman involved with an immigration mess, and the threat of a zillion inches of snow before we take off, well, I guess you could say that we have been a tad bit stressed.  

I know God is leading us. He is teaching us through this to rely on him. That he is in control. That even he, and only he, can cut through the bureaucracy of the US Department of Immigration or the United States Postal Service. (Sorry, John.)

The last month has been filled with doubt for me. We love Leticia and are praying that she will join our family. To us, she is already our daughter. But the last year has brought some daily struggles that leave me feeling like I am not enough. That I can't do this. 

This morning in church, our pastor and friend quoted the late great Charles Spurgeon. "God doesn't want your best," he said. "God wants the impossible." 

Those words were salve to my anxious heart. I have been trying to do my best, giving up, trying again, pushing, pushing, trying, crying, pleading... And then I wonder why I am depleted and feel like a failure. God does not want Kris to try and try and try. He wants me to trust and trust and trust. And although I KNOW this, I get so stuck in a rut of self-reliance and effort. This is one of those lessons that I need to re-test on quite often I'm afraid. 

And by saying that God wants the impossible,  my pastor was in no way implying that everything always turns up roses just because you put your trust in an unfailing God. People get sick, and sometimes die. Way too young. Not because they didn't trust. Things happen. Life is brutal, both for believers and non-believers. Our circumstances in no way dictate our level of faith. 

What he meant by the impossible, to me, this morning, was that I need to stop pretending that I can handle those circumstances in my life that break my heart and make me want to quit. Instead of white-knuckling it, I can walk in his power. And even if no one else knows (because many of our struggles are private), I will know. I will know that my God got me through this. He did this for me. That he did the impossible when I stopped selling him short by trying "my best."

Thank you all for praying for us. We feel those prayers. I especially want to thank some very special friends, Mrs. Karen and Mr. Lyle, who have decided to dedicate half an hour each day to learning sign language so they can communicate with Leticia. That is about the sweetest and most thoughtful thing that anyone has ever done for our family. Thank you. Thank you for the cards, the wonderful shower, the practical support... Everything. 

Anything can happen in the world of international adoption. We are desperately praying that in a month we will fly home with our sweet Leticia. No matter what the outcome, I feel encouraged and strengthened to live out the next month in Uganda through God's strength instead of the feeble best of this most blessed mess.