You Can't Outbid God

So much has happened since my last update. Since we had to return to the states without our daughter Leticia. I am not going to lie. Some of our recent days have been dark. I mean, D A R K. If you are one of  *those* friends who've been fortunate enough to witness one of my breakdowns, you know. I have been tested, and one things for sure. Although my faith has been severely lacking, God has consistently shown himself faithful to me.

If we are friends on Facebook, our family may well have worn our welcome thin on your news feed. Three friends decided that they were going to host an online auction to support the mounting legal costs of our rather complicated adoption. These chicks were sent by Jesus himself. Let's just say that when these ladies join forces to get something done, well, you may as well hang your hat and take a nap, because it is DONE, sister. Wow. Over three hundred and fifty people participated in our adoption auction. THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY!!! 

Some of these people I don't even know. I might never have the opportunity to meet them in person or adequately convey our thankfulness. Not only for the goods/services that they donated and/or bid on, but just for caring and giving. For thinking about and praying for our family and our daughter during this time. You simply cannot put a price tag on that. 

Out of approximately one hundred items donated for our adoption auction, one thing in particular caught my eye. A beautiful, quirky antique barn wood organizer made by one of my favorite creative geniuses. I just loved it. I had to have it. I had a plan for it. But, I mean, the auction was being held for our benefit. I bid anyway. 

A sweet Facebook friend (and friend IRL) Randy also began bidding. Although I was ALL about the trash talk and grandstanding that drove some of the items sky high (Thirty dollars for a dozen eggs!) this was different. Darn it, I wanted this organizer. And Rocky, I mean Randy, obviously wanted it too. I bid $36, he bid $37. I bid in Aramaic, he apparently used Google translate. He was unstoppable. Eventually, I stopped bidding. 

But Randy had a secret. No matter how high I bid that gorgeous antique barn wood organizer, he was going to bid a little higher. And despite all of my smack talk and threats to pummel him like a side of beef in a Philly locker circa 1976, in the end I was down for the count. Randy's secret was that he had contacted my friends. He wanted to know what I wanted. He was outbidding me on my own antique barn wood organizer because he wanted me to have it. 

I have been thinking about how my bidding war with Randy is kind of symbolic. God has given us so much. We are blessed beyond belief. But sometimes, I want what I want when I want it. End of story. I bid. What I think I need is out of reach. I bid again. And again. My end game might be something that I feel will bring me peace. God might be trying to give it to me. Telling me that it has been mine all along and that I can stop the searching, or in this case, the bidding. That I need to just wait. Or ask him. 

I cannot put into words how devastating leaving Leticia has been. Honestly, it still is. Emotionally, financially... I fear the toll on her as she waits. She must wonder why we aren't coming for her. We pass messages as we are able and have Skyped, but how is she supposed to comprehend all of this red tape. I don't get it myself. 

Through the love, support and prayers of our sweet friends, we are able to hold on. To stop trying to outbid God on what we want and trust that what he has is best. We know that Leticia is our daughter. We do not like it one bit that she isn't here with us right now, but what comfort to know that God has us all right where we need to be. And trust that he is preparing us all as we wait. 

I am happy to report that my antique barn wood organizer is now hanging in the hallway, exactly where I pictured it the first time I saw it. Hanging on it are the flip flops that fell off of Leticia's feet as she was driven away the last time we saw her. I was sobbing too hard to even notice them, but John did and picked them up from the roadside. The necklace that I mailed her after the very first time we met. The little pink sunglasses she posed in that somehow ended up in my suitcase. A dress that I absolutely love on her. 

Everyday as I pass by these things, they will be a constant reminder that our little girl is in the palm of our savior's hand, and we have faith that she will be home with us soon. She will be wearing her flip flops, hamming it up for the camera in her pink shades, sporting her pretty dress and butterfly necklace.  But most of all, a reminder that we can never outbid the goodness of God. 

Thank you all so much for your support. We love you!